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Tags: personal Ruminations and Ramblings About Nothing Really
A lot of questions in life remains unanswered, which is fine really. If there isn't any mystery surrounding the dimensions we live in, it really would be quite a spoiler.
As it turns out, it's been about a couple of months or so since I have finally got to live up to this one great wish I had ever since I started college: to live in a quiet place all by myself. Nobody to answer to. Nobody to feel considerate towards. Nobody having to deal with me. Do whatever it is that fancies me at that very momemnt. As I delightfully jumped into this phase of life, I wasn't quite prepared for what others have warned me about: Loneliness sank in faster than I could've said "bliss at last".
I am not looking at this as some regrettable course of action, on the contrary I should feel thankful for being given this opportunity as I don't see this lasting forever. I suppose I should be using my time to self-reflect, love myself--whatever that means, and there goes my cynical self that simply couldn't resist to burst through the seams. Apparently this is supposed to help me find myself, again still don't know what that would or could amount to. I don't do meditation nor do I affirm to the existence of an anthropomorphic God, what possible course of action do I have that help me preoccupy this vacuum I am traveling through at this point?
Find something that I find interesting one would say and that usually brings back to feeling like the free time that I have at hand would be best served learning more about my profession. Aarrgh!! I don't discount myself as not wanting to be a life-long learning or a thinking being, yet it just feels so good to be doing nothing sometimes, absolutely nothing for a change. This really is where my paradox sets in, it feels good to do nothing (ala Office Space) and yet this is where loneliness foots me with one heck of a bill.
I suppose I should be writing more to let my thoughts out of my head. It felt like it's been jammed in there for too long and perhaps needed an outlet and free up some space in my head. As if 80% of unused brain space isn't enough real estate for the grandiose requirements of my thoughts. And I never thought I'd be doing this of all the things: reading a Harry Potter book. I just imagine it from the perspective of what the movie would look like in production to get through the utter banality of the literature I am reading. It passes the time, it helps create these vivid images in the head which sort of sweeps me off to some zone that I feel I can be really comfortable in, brings a lot of nostalgic feelings to the foreground I must say ... remembering the pre-college years.
I'll put a stop to this now as the ramblings I am sure one would find no coherence in. Lastly though, have come to a realization that people have their own self-interests in mind more than I'd thought was possible. Some do not hesitate to leave you in the dusts when they find a better deal elsewhere. Not saying this in any vengeful tone whatsoever, I suppose I really could use this as yet another lesson in life and hopefully as a blessing in disguise. Although, I wish I could put brakes on these inadvertent lessons of life as there seems to be too many of them to go through as they are piled up on my desk.
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